It was a perfectly ordinary Tuesday at the Squirrel Club Clubhouse — warm, biscuity, and smelling of Duggee. The Squirrels were trying to earn their Sitting Very Still badges.
🦛 Roly
“Duggee! I’ve been still for THREE WHOLE MINUTES! Eggs boil in three minutes! Do I get a badge for being as impressive as a boiled egg?”
🐶 Duggee
“Woof.”
🐌 SlippyThe dog waits in green,Five small hearts beat beside him —Something comes. Be still.
Then, from very far away — and getting closer VERY fast — came a sound like ten thousand cats purring at once…
Page 1 of 6
Chapter Two
The Tomkin-Mobile Arrives!
SCREEEEECH! The Tomkin-Mobile — a chrome sports car crossed with a very proud tuna can — landed in the garden, missing the flower beds by four inches. A tabby cat stepped out adjusting a tool belt with seventeen gadgets.
🐱 Tomkin
“Is there a large green dog here? My sensors indicated — oh. Oh GOOD. Hello, large green dog. You have a very calming face. I’m going to need that later.”
🦛 Roly
“OOOOH! Is that a ROCKET CAR?! Duggee, there’s a ROCKET CAR in our GARDEN!”
🐱 Tomkin
“It is NOT a rocket car. It is a multi-environment velocity craft. Also — don’t touch the chrome.”
🧙 Marvel
“Marvel surveys the new location. He sees five small animals looking at the Tomkin-Mobile with the focused intensity of children who intend to press every button on it. Marvel finds this extremely relatable.”
Page 2 of 6
Chapter Three
The Giggle-Gap Galaxy
They shot through space and arrived at the Giggle-Gap Galaxy. But the disco stars had gone quiet. The rubber duck planets listed sadly. And in the middle of it all — a fortress shaped like a giant unwashed sock.
🐊 Betty
“…Is that a sock?”
🐱 Tomkin
“It’s a SOCK FORTRESS. The Duke finds socks ‘efficiently aerodynamic.’ I don’t know what that means either.”
🫧 Captain Bubbles
[text bubble floats out] “The Duke has muted everything! I must apologise — I have an extreme compulsion to bounce on windscreens and your vehicle is very tempting and I am trying very hard not to—”
🐱 Tomkin
“Do NOT bounce on my chrome, Bubbles. I will pop you.”
Page 3 of 6
Chapter Four
The Drab Duke is No Match for the Squirrel Club
Inside the grey fortress, The Drab Duke sat labelling jars of bottled starlight. Then Tomkin hit the Viral-Loop-Generator — and it showed the Duke something he couldn’t handle: The Squirrel Club being the Squirrel Club.
🦛 Roly
“CIRCLES ARE GREAT! CIRCLES ARE THE BEST SHAPE! I’M DOING ANOTHER ONE!”
📂 The Drab Duke
“The second-to-last letter of ‘circle’ is ‘l’ and ‘biscuit’ is ‘i’ and they’re in DIFFERENT DRAWERS and the CHAOS — the UNCLASSIFIABLE CHAOS—”
Then Captain Bubbles bounced off the Duke’s hat. A bubble. With a monocle. Bouncing. The Duke stared…
📂 The Drab Duke
“THAT IS FILED UNDER B FOR BUBBLE BUT THE MONOCLE IS FILED UNDER M AND THEY CANNOT BE IN THE SAME—”
POP. A cloud of beige smoke. The Duke was gone.
Page 4 of 6
Chapter Five
The Universe Remembers How to Be Loud!
Tomkin pressed UNMUTE. The stars began to sing — all at once, at full volume. The rainbow went all the way around a rubber duck planet. The Giggle-Gap was back.
🐊 Happy
“IT’S SO LOUD! IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL! IT’S BEAUTIFULLY LOUD!”
🧙 Marvel
“Marvel watches the colours return! Marvel witnesses a rainbow going all the way around a rubber duck planet and SUCCEEDING! Marvel is doing the thing with his eyes again! Marvel maintains this is atmospheric dust!”
🦛 Roly
“Roly, there is no dust in space, Marvel.”
🐶 Duggee
“Woof.” [produces eight gold badges from neckerchief]
Each badge read: THE SAVING THE UNIVERSE BADGE. ⭐
Page 5 of 6
The End 🏅
Home, Hot Chocolate, and the Duggee Hug
Back at the Clubhouse, Duggee made hot chocolate and Tomkin — after considerable sighing — shared his Grilled Sea Bass with Mint-Choc-Chip Ice Cream with everyone.
🦛 Roly
“It shouldn’t WORK but it WORKS! It’s like fish and mint had a baby and the baby was INCREDIBLE!”
🧙 Marvel
“Marvel notes that the cat is smiling. Marvel notes the cat will deny this if asked. Marvel does not ask.”
🐶 Duggee
“Woof.” [opens arms for a Duggee Hug]
🐌 SlippyThe stars are singing.The dog smiles. The cat shares food.This is what home is.
And they lived happily — and very loudly — ever after. 🌟